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Nothing says more about my personality than a nighttime, vampy lip. I mean, do I own other lip colorings? Yes. But do those other colorings accurately describe my cold, dead nerve? Fuckkk no. Thats not to say that I dont buy a shit ton of lip products in every shade of the rainbow. I will buy anything that any celebrity only slightly endorses because I am a garbage human. And while I do love hurling my hard earned money at people who induce millions of dollars by taking selfies for Instagram with, like, a bottle of Sugar Bear Hair somewhere in a very corner of the frame* cough* KYLIE* cough *, I also value being able to eat and afford rent. So for those of you who want to look good AND avoid living in a cardboard container, here are 8 lip products that are better than Kylie Lip Kits( a bold statement, I know ).

BEST PLUMPING LIP PRODUCT

Its a hard world out there for a girl working with the lips she was born with. Take it from me, someone who is 100 percent silicone- and filler-free, and also someone who does not have Instagram sponsors lining up in order to be allowed to pimp out their products. Coincidence? I dont fucking think so. So thank god for Soap& Glorys Sexy Mother Pucker Lip Gloss. Weve repped this shit before but thats because it fucking runs. Im not mentioning employing this product will give you an Instagram ad endorsement deal, but Im also saying it wont give you an Instagram ad endorsement deal. Seriously. It wont. But it will induce your lips competitive somewhat resemble that of a Kardashians and thats genuinely all I ask for in this life.

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BEST LONG LASTING LIPSTICK

Theres not a lot that they are able outlast me when Im blackout except maybe the two texts I mailed my ex last night. But Rimmel Londons Provocalips 16 Hour Kiss Proof Lipcolor certainly gives me and my bad decision-making skills a run for my money. This shit could last through a nuclear bomb or, conversely, six vodka sodas, a drunken makeout session with the bro I matched with on Bumble, and an unattractive amount of Joes Pizza. Make or take. What it wont outlast? A night in your bed. Expect to wake up with this shit all over your face but, hey, at the least you have flawless lips in your Insta story.

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BEST MATTE& LIP CREAM

NYX Soft Matte Lip Cream is the beauty product that I can only imagine maintenances Kris Jenner up at night. Literally everyone is saying that this shit is just like Kylies Lip Kits, but instead of risking their own lives at a pop-up shop or camping out in front of your laptop to invest the rest of your rent check on blue fucking lipstick that you will never ever wear, you are able to grab a tube of NYX for a cool $5.99 at any local CVS or Ulta or whatever. Idk if you can sham that kind of good advertising, Kris.

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Seriously though, this product is winning at life and thats why its the best matte and lip cream. Its got highly pigmented colorings and a long-lasting finish, plus it glides on better than Demario sliding into Rachels DMs. Sorry, Kylizzle, you are not able to want to cross sex tape off your listing of possibilities business ventures just yet.

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BEST LIP GLOSS

A few weeks ago someone was feeling v nostalgic at and made Paris Hilton a voice to tell everyone that not only did she generate the Kardashians but also literally everything we like wearing. According to Paris the 90 s tendency is officially over and the 00 s are back in. So I guess Ill just go dig my Juicy tracksuit out of storage now. Can someone please tell the very deigning girl at Plato’s Closet that this was never out of style to begin with ?? But now that the 00 s are back and better than ever so too is lip gloss and you definitely need to try L’Oral Paris Infallible 6HR Never-Fail Lip Gloss. At $11 is v inexpensive and itll low-key make-up you look like Rachel Lindsay on night one of before she started wondering why she set has become a lawyer on hold in favor of being courted by a grown human who refers to himself as whaboom.

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BEST NUDE LIPS

Leave it to a framework to be submitted with the best nudes. And merely to elucidate, I’m not talking about the kind of nudes they’re sending Leo rn in an attempt to become his next serious girlfriend a girl he’ll date until she ages out turnings 25. I’m talking about lip shades. And if you thought I wouldn’t make a gag about models and nudes because that’s various kinds of seemed like low-hanging fruit merely there, then you don’t know me at all. ANYWAY, Rimmel Londons Kate Moss Nude Collection is the best in video games if youre looking for a nude lip coloring. It has a semi-matte finish, but its also v hydrating and youll find your perfect shade every goddamn time.

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BEST DAY TO NIGHT

If you know anything about me its that my conversion from office professional to Happy Hour Hoe is something that should legit be listed under the skills section of my resume. And E.L.F Day to Night Lipstick Duo is def being added to that conversion process ASAP. Its a dual-ended lipstick, with one purpose a operate appropriate day shade and the other purpose a bolder coloring for night period shenanigans. The velvety satin formula is enriched with Shea and Vitamins A, C, and E to keep your lips nourished and hydrated throughout all the shit youre bound to set them through. But I care less about that and more about the fact that I can buy two lip products for the cost of one because I’m merely a inexpensive asshole at heart.

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HONORABLE MENTION: Milani Color Statement Lipstick

Youll recognize this product because it appears sketchy AF and, even though online it says it expenditure $5.99, I swear Ive never paid more than$ 2 for this shit. Whether thats from me and my great bargaining abilities with the cashier at CVS or because this product is legit never celebrated at full price is neither here nor there. Just are well aware that Milani will save their own lives work in a pinch and plus they have sooo many dark wine colorings that speak to my soul.

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