Personally, Ive been asked on a lot of weird first dates. Like, dates that would surely have ended in the guy wearing my scalp as a suit. And as its 2017, aka the period of thriving fuckboys, I can only imagine the worst is yet to come. So in order for you to protect yourselves from the fuckery thats bound to ensue when you regularly use a date app, these are six first date notions that you should never ever were in favour of, ever 😛 TAGEND
1. Any Outdoor Excursion
First of all, if youre into the outdoors and doing things then idk how we matched in the first place. Im gonna take a wild guess here and assume that I was blackout where reference is matched or you had a dog in your profile image. Just a guess. BUT if we did match and get to talking and you asked me to, like, go for a “hike” with you? Or go on a “boat ride in Central Park”? Honestly, Im using the question marks here because Im not entirely sure people do these things as I havent actively chosen to go outside in weeks. Asking for a pal, but do people do things anymore? Message me if you know! K, thx. REGARDLESS, if you think Im trekking to some undisclosed outdoor location that a) does not include booze or b) has shitty wifi service then you are sorely mistaken, sir. Ive seen this episode of and it does not end well for the girl that follows a beautiful stranger into an electronic dead zone Central Park.
^ Me when someone proposes going outside
2. Extravagant Trips To Europe
Contrary to what would have you believe, first date trip-ups to foreign countries are not actually, like, safe to go on with a stranger. Let me go out on a limb here and say that a person who proposes this type of date is less likely to be The One and more likely to be The One To Sell You Into Sex Slavery. Just telling. And if youre reasoning, like , no one actually proposes things like this in real life then I applaud you because clearly youre doing something right and not moving flirting with psychopaths. Cheers! And though Ive never personally been asked to meet someone in Europe for a first date( yet) this did genuinely happen to a pal of mine. I wish I was joking. The scary thing is this friend was actually considering taking British Stranger Danger up on his offer. To which I responded with this 😛 TAGEND
But dont take my term for it, Im merely a girl whos successfully expended 25 years on this globe without being abducted and/ or slaughtered.* shriekings internally* To be fair this girl did not end up slaughtered and/ or someones sexuality slave. Shocking, I know. She actually had quite a lovely day, BUT THAT’S NOT THE POINT. The level is that I stand by my earlier statement about girls objective up dead. If you’ve realise any Liam Neeson movie then you should know that nothing good going to happen to girls when they go abroad with strangers or very slutty friends. So just as a rule of thumb, perhaps never go abroad to gratify someone for the first time, lest your face end up on a milk container. Just say no, girls. Say no to drugs, say no to unsolicited dick pics, and say no to free Euro tripswords I literally never believed Id speak. I guess theres a first time for everything.
3. A Wedding
If someone asks you to be their date at a bridal, just know that this date will 100 percent aim in the guy emotionally masturbating his troubles all over you by the end of the nighttime. No normal, emotionally stable human would ask a dead-ass stranger to be his date to a bridal. This isnt senior year formal. You cant just ask some rando in the library to be your date so your ex will get jealous of all your pics. This is a wedding. A sacred instant between two strangers that you do not know because you are just a random person at this bridal. Never forget that. Tbh I scarcely want to go to people’s bridals whom I actually know and care for, much less a random couples wedding with a guy who def lied about his elevation in his Bumble bio. Nope. That idea is garbage and so is the human who proposed it. Next.
4. Stoop Invites
What is a stoop invite, you ask? Its when a guy literally asks you to come sit on his stoop. Because this is New York City and no one owns anything its not even his own stoop, its the buildings stoop. So basically he just asked you to come sit on a public slab of concrete with him because he is a inexpensive motherfucking asshole. Though, I am sure sitting on his stoop is some sort of euphemism for where hed really like you to sit. Vomit. Either behavior its inexpensive and creepy and I am not fucking down for that.
Guy : strong> So you, me, my
dick stoop … what do you say?
Me : strong>
5. A Dinner Date
You might envision Im over exaggerating, which to be fair 99 percent of the cases I entirely am, but not this time because, people, a dinner date is a trap and you SHOULD NOT FALL FOR IT. It seems innocent enough, maybe even a little romantic because it seems like hes down to invest more money on you than the one half-priced brew from whatevers on tap at happy hour. But guzzles can last 15 minutes( depending on how fast you chug) while dinner can last HOURS. I intend, what if you disliked this dude by the time the waiter brought about by the complimentary bread basket? Are you telling me that in order to indulge in something I enjoy, I have to sit through 90 minutes of some douchebag who are wants to talk about~ in minute detail~ his last deep ocean fishing trip with his bros? Tbh Ive done less for free bread sticks. Either behavior dinner is not a good first date alternative. Maybe a second or a third date, but it’s def not something I want to sit through with a fucking stranger.
6. An Summon To Cross State Lines
Ive said it once, Ill say it again, but even my hoe-ass has limitations and I draw a hard line at the New York state border. I have been in many a healthy mature Snapchat relationships since moving to New York that somehow ever aim in the guy telling, actually Im living in Jersey right now. Like, what do you are willing to to do here? Take the PATH? New Jersey Transit? That seems like a lot of endeavour to persons who probs lied about his job name and def use a photograph from his senior year frat formal for his profile pic. NOPE. Lifes too uncertain rn and I cant waste my day on this foolishness so its gonna be a no from me. Sorry pal.
Jesus. This is seriously attaining me want to delete all of my dating apps rn. I want to, but I wont. Because I am a
romantic masochist who likes wasting the best years of her life on guys whose best endeavor at writing a bio is I call myself Jared, but you can call me tonight ;)* looks for the gun emoji*