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Last nighttimes premier surely featured some interesting personalities. I didnt realize when the producers said this would be the most diverse season yet that they were also referring to mental health issues. Interesting selection. We were introduced to a grown humankind who loves sexual harassment tickling, an aspiring drummer who thinks he has the right to judge literally anyone, a guy who purrs at people, and Little Adam, the horrifying French doll.

But none of this held a candle to Lucas Yancey, aka WhaBoom, or the reason why many still choose to attend womens colleges. If Here for the wrong reasons was a person, it would be Lucas, who is clearly there to promotesomething? Himself? A slapstick career? The theory of WhaBoom?

Anyway, being that we all consider Rachel Lindsay to be a close personal friend at this level, we did the only thing friends can do in this kind of situation and Googled her potential spouse to realize what we could find.

And would you believe it, we saw a lot. Before appearing on, Lucas took it upon himself to write his own IMDB page, probably in anticipation of when Dave Chapelle, Louis C.K ., and Amy Schumer all catch a glimpse of last nighttimes episode and simultaneously call up Netflix to demand this humankind get his own comedy special or theyll discontinue. If simply wed thought of seeming directly into the camera and shaking uncontrollably while calling WHH-AABOOOOOOOM as loud as we could! theyll say, Get this humankind to Hollywood !!!

So what does an IMDB page for a person with no career beyond his own catchphrase actually say? Lets dive in 😛 TAGEND

NICKNAME - We Found Definitive Proof Lucas The Whaboom Guy Is Here For The Wrong Reasons

So before we even get to the horrific mini bio that Lucas wrote for himself( we know this because he signed it ), lets talking here his nickname, which is apparently Y-Man.

1. I have a 90% certainty that no one has in the past called him Y-Man, and that this nickname is altogether something he created himself.
2. Your fucking nickname is Whaboom.

Moving onto the mini-bio, which you should frankly read in pieces because it is deeply upsetting.

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Okay so first of all, if your professional react biography begins with a paragraph exclusively dedicated to your birthday, that is a problem. Like, I highly doubt that Seth Rogan or whoever tf Lucas is trying to bes IMDB bio starts with, Seth is a Taurus, and in some circles and has the same body type as a policeman! Lol Also, if youre going to write your own bio in the 3rd person, at the least to continue efforts to make it sound like you had an assistant do it or something. This was so clearly written down Lance’s phone between keg stands after he found out someone actually wanted to threw him on television.

Second of all, sharing a birthday with someone entails literally nothing. It does not induce you legit.

Third of all, “youre not” legit. You are the opposite of legit. You are illegit.

Moving on

Oh boy. Okay. Where to begin…

1. Serious questionis your personality been supported by Doritos? You are Nacho Cheese embodied. Your presence is a Cool Ranch nightmare, a BBQ disaster, a Sweet Chili trash fire. You are tacky, and I dislike you.

2. In what capability are you an Actor/ Writer/ Producer? Like, name a single thing you have acted in, written, or created, besides a deep pain in those around you. Sorry buddy, but I cant assistance but notice that the credits portion of your IMDB page is empty. Literally. Empty. Y-Man doesnt even have a weird commercial for herpes cream or a lampoon porno to his name. This would be like me making a page went on to say that Im a backup dancer for Beyonc. Its absolutely no truth to the rumors. Its just something I think about being when Im high, listening to music on the develop. These are not things you include on your resume. These dreams are for your diary, Lucas. Not the fucking internet.

Bridesmaids quotes - We Found Definitive Proof Lucas The Whaboom Guy Is Here For The Wrong Reasons

3. WHAT COMEDIC FILMS HAVE YOU APPEARED IN ?!?! Lucas knows that his now-defunct Vine account does not count as a movie career, right? By these standards literally every human could make an IMDB page saying, Kelly has appeared in over one thousand movies which premiered on Twitter, Snapchat, and Instagram Story. She is a writer for Facebook, Pinterest, and has penned over six thousand Tweets.

4. Comedic Films shall not be required to be capitalized. If youre going to write your own IMDB page, at the least have your mommy( who you clearly live with) appear it over before posting.

5. Again, name a comedic movie, TV prove, reality prove, or commercial you have appeared in other than, which premiered Monday. Just one. Any one. It doesnt even have to be good. Were waiting, Y-Man.

6. As for being a jack of all trades and master of many, this might actually be true. Lucas has been demonstrated in merely one short episode that he can successfully implement a number of different strategies for being annoying AF, including, but not limited to: 1) having a megaphone, 2) wearing your own catchphrase on your shirt, 3) having that shirt be sleeveless, 4) calling your catchphrase in such a way that everyone around you ponder if maybe you are having a convulsion, 5) merely being himself.

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7. Renaissance man is a term that was coined to describe Leonardo DaVinci. You are not Leonardo DaVinci. Though I guess you could be considered the Leonardo DaVinci of simply being on because the producers want to see how far this can go, but I doubt thats what youre referring to.

8. We all get your eyesight, dude. You want to be on TV, and youre willing to totally humiliate yourself to do so. Mission accomplished.

Next we come to Lucas call to action, which is all the more upsetting because it includes not one, but two smiley faces.

NOTE TO SELF : strong> Remember to write your Congressperson and demand a law that will have anyone who includes two smiley faces in their own biography apprehended instantly. This ends today.

1. You have to audition for things to be cast in their own homes. If you were an actor you would know that, but youre pretty clearly not, so well let that one slide.

2. You cannot both carry a megaphone to holler your catchphrase into and claim that you have charisma and appeal and aim to please. Those things are diametrically opposed to one another. Its like Harry and Voldemort, one cannot live while the other survives.

3. If your biography includes a food order, its not a biography. It is a cry for help.

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4. We dont want to know more. We know enough. Thank you.

5. Hard pass on the Spiderman reference. Hard. Pass.

Then, in case we didnt already know, Lucas The Genius actually signs the the thing himself. Dude doesnt even have enough brains to pretend to be his own assistant. Wisest of the wise, my ass.

Oh, and if you thought the mini bio was the most difficult proportion, suppose a-fucking-gain because the real gems of this IMDB page are disguises under the trademarks and personal quotes.

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Lets deal with the trademarks first.

Okay so frankly Im surprised it took us this long to get to WhaBoom, considering how much he said it in this weeks episode. Whatever. I guess you save your best stuff for last.

Secondly, he knows that this section is actually referring to official legal trademarks, right? Like, does he actually legally own the term WhaBoom with four as and 4 os? Was WhaaaBooom taken? Did “WhaaBoom” already belong to some cleaning corporation? This is like when you have some kind of basic name like “Emily Johnson” so you have to make all your email addresses [ email protected]

Thirdly, which is what i Burgertyme? Is this supposed to be pronounced Burger Time, as in time to have a hamburger? Is a adoration of burgers another layer to Lucas’ personality that weve yet to ascertained? Honestly, the presence of Burgertyme on this list truly scares me. One catchphrase was enough. I frankly dont know what Ill do if on top of watching him Hulk out and holler WhaaaaBooom every time he gets a rose, Ill have to hear him scream BURGERTYMEEEEEEE whenever they go out to eat. Where does the madness stop?

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As for the personal quotes segment, I dont even know what the fuck to say about any of them.

what? Like, seriously, what does this mean? Who is the Golden Horse? Why does it have a hickey? Do ponies get zits? Do ponies made of amber have pores? Im confounded. When did he say this? To whom did he say it? What happens when we find the golden ponies hickey? Do we pop it? Let it be? WE NEED ANSWERS, Y-MAN !!!

I mean, if theres one thing we can say about Lucas its that hes consistently batshit fucking nuts. So I guess this quote builds sense. It seems like something a motivational speaker “ve said”, especially given that the use of caps lock here would connote the YOU is called. Also made what we know about Lucas, we should assume that all of this stuff is being called through a megaphone.

Finally, and most perplexingly, Lucas ends with YKnot? which I guess is a including references to Y-Man, the moniker that he clearly dedicated to himself. So like, when he said this, did he have to instantly explain to everyone in the vicinity that he was spelling it with a Y? How would this be imparted verbally? Also, why did he use the spelling knot instead of not? Was he applying this in a rope-related context? For example 😛 TAGEND

Lucas : strong> YKnot?

Im sorry. That was dark. But frankly, this IMDB page threw me in a dark place. Reading this shit was like binge watching all of and in the same fucking day. I seem emotionally drained.

I suppose the most difficult takeaway here, apart from the fact that Lucas is a sad, fragile male who wrote his own IMDB bio and didnt even do a good job, is that homeboy is here for the wrong reasons and Rachel needs to send his ass packing fast. Like, I know the producers obviously stepped in last episode to see if he and Blake the aspiring drummer will have a fist battle or whatever, but how can we feign that a 31 -year-old woman with a law degree “wouldve been” entertain the idea of intrigue with this strolling abstinence campaign? Like, how long can such an obvious fame whore with such clear Hollywood aspirations last in this tournament?

Oh wait

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