PinExt - What Guys Really Think Of Your Eyebrows

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Growing up a closet case in the suburbs of Albany, NY I never dreamed that one day I would be an authority on eyebrows, but fortunately for both of us I got out of there and now have brows that will attain me look like the missing Kardashian-Jenner. Straight humankinds feign not to care about anything because theyre generally horrible, but in truth, theyre noticing your eyebrows. Its literally impossible not to, theyre on your face and thats where humankinds look when theyre pretend theyre not just waiting to see you naked or like they care about whats happening to your reproductive rights. As a homosexual humankind, I am able to walk in both worlds. I am the dark, and the illumination. I speak humankind, and I speak betch. I am bilingual, and lesbian. And luck for you I am because I invested my entire day( okay 15 minutes) asking straight humankinds their beliefs on eyebrows, and now I will translate them for you. The whole experience was depleting so please excuse me while I run casually steal a cocktail from the bar where I work…

“Bold Brows Are For Drag Queens

Now Ive never waxed my brows in panic of looking like Samantha in that episode of where she has a compound peel before Carries volume liberate partythat and the fact that waxed brows are literally never good. Why are you doing that? Its not your middle school dance; youre a grown-ass betch and its time to treat your eyebrows like the gifts they are. In my opinion the best eyebrow is a bold one. Now our little friends( straight humankinds) may disagree. Take Dan for example. Dan is a friend of mine because Im different kinds person. His take over bold brows is its too drag queen-y. While drag queens do often have some far-out brows, people fucking notice them and thats literally all that matters. Were not trying to blend in, Were trying to be peacocks among fucking birds, betchso if you have to draw your eyebrow in loosen the purse strings, buy a decent eyebrow pencil and march down 5th avenue like youre Beyonc at the superbowl. Also Dans actually stupid and cant handle a woman that outdoes him.

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Natural Brows Look Like, Nice

While my opinions on a bold eyebrow are strong, and I cant tell enough that eyebrow pencils should replace no. 2s in elementary schools worldwide so people can learn abilities that is really matter, I can appreciate that not everyones face can handle such a dramatic appear and some people prefer a lighter, natural eyebrow.( Idiots .)

Not drawn in, sometimes not even plucked. Perhaps you have a little bit of a uni, thats okay love yourself, be yourself. However, Kyle, a friend of a friend who tagged along to get guzzles( kill me) suggests I feel like natural brows merely look like, nice. Like, I feel like that daughter looks nice. Hes referring to a picture of fucking Adele whose eyebrows are sculpted to shit, merely not dark. Thats Adele, I respond, my eyes rolling literally back into my brain. Oh well, she looks nice … I feign Kyle doesnt exist for the rest of the evening and likewise likely eternally. Fuckboys dont understand brows and they never fucking will.

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Whats Threading?

Nathan, a pal from work once asked another co-worker Maisie how go her eyebrows were ruby-red. Naturally, Maisie had just come from get her eyebrows threaded. Nathan asked, whats that intend? Trump is President and Nathan doesnt know what fucking eyebrow weaving is so welcome to hell, enjoy the journey. Eyebrow weaving is the only way to go. Its quick, its inexpensive, and you dont look too sculpted. Nothings worse than getting too much taken off and having to fill innot to mention, if it rains youre fucked. Theres so many weaving places all over the place now, the expensive ones still operate you under $10. You expend five times that amount on vodka sodas at happy hour so dont even tell me you cant afford it.

If youre wasting period doing pointless things like going to the gym or showering in the morning stop being so rigid and do your brows. Ultimately, make sure you’re plucking strays and casually penciling in every morning( literally nobody has ever noticed I pencil in ). Just two minutes a day can be the difference between being Zendaya and Helga Pataki.

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Conclusion: Guys Dont Know Shit About Eyebrows

Okay so at this phase youre likely pondering, Why the fucking would I listen to a straight guys sentiment on my eyebrows? They dont fucking know anything! And guess what…youre right! This whole thing was a trick! I incepted you, and it worked. Your brows are for you and nobody else. Besides, when was the last time a straight guy knew what he wanted? Its always up to us to show them that shit anyway. Oh, you dont like?* sets on an episode* Hmm seems like now you do. Youre welcome, straight guys. Youre greet, betches. Now, back to my stolen hard-earned cocktail.

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