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I have a lot of pastimes and most of them include me judging people from afar. But nothing brings me more exuberance than talking shit about people and their tinyexcuse me, tattoos. Its the simple things, truly. Remember when vagrant postages were all the rage? Yeah, those are so over, they’re done, and tiny tattoos have become the new norm for those looking to express their latent daddy issues.( I mention all of this like I dont have at least two Pinterest committees devoted to tiny tattoos and cute placementsI totally fucking do .) But whether you realize it or not, your tiny tattoo speaks VOLUMES about you and likely the life you lead on Instagram. So listen up, betches, because this is about to be a rude fucking awakening for some of you. Heres how much of a self-absorbed asshole you are based on your choice of tiny tattoo 😀 TAG 8 TT

Something From

First of all, I would just like to say that Potterheads are the reason I drink. Theres something unsettling about a bunch of twentysomething adults who throw whole clothing parties with a theme that encourages you to dress up as an 11 -year-old boy. Also, never, under any circumstances, mention around these people that you have either read/ liked at one point in your life/ have a vague was just thinking about the movie adaptation, because they will take that shit and run with it. Its like you say one thing about and abruptly they want to challenge you to a verbal duel so they can prove that they know very creepy, minute details about a prepubescent fictional boy more about than you do. Like , no I do not know who the fuck Harrys specter teacher was in his sixth time at Hogwarts, but I do know that I would like to be excluded from this narrative please. Thanks. Second of all, if youre get a tattoo because is your favorite book that doesnt make you special. Like, you and every other virgin who cant drive self-proclaimed Hufflepuff in the world. Do us all a favor and leave your freak flag in the chat room at home where it belongs.

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A Tiny Heart And/ Or Other Tiny Object

This is the type of person who invests a lot of their hour discovering new ways to incorporate mason jars into their home dcor. Its okay, we were all supposing it. Im going to take a shot in the dark and guess that theyre also the type of girl who loooveesss sushi and drinkings wine according to the season( i.e. red in the autumn/ winter, white in the spring, ros in the summer ). Lol, you are random. They probably thought that by get a tattoo they could be the edgy girl in their sorority or that it would give them something to be coy about on a Bumble date, but frankly all it did was cement their place as the most basic bitch within a five mile radius. But, like, Ill give a slow clap to that because you should own your basicness. Id mention never change, but thats not really necessary because we all know they wont.

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Cursive Script

Girls who proudly display cursive script tattoos are 100 percent the assholes I was talking about earlier. They definitely have a thing that theyre into. Like fitness or traveling or merely generally being a self-absorbed asshole. That kind of thing. Getting a tattoo like this is the female equivalent of getting an In God We Trust tattoo, except instead of using a biblical verse to cover up that fact that he’s a giant douchebag who says shit like I dont believe in labels, girls use it to cover up the fact that theyre low-key slutty. Like, tattooing the daily affirmation you are so much more on your body sort of loses its meaning where reference is placed immediately beneath your nipple. You know? Like v important style icons Selena Gomez and Miley Cyrus, they probably also got their cursive script tattoo after a stint in rehab for exhaustion”. Good thing your boob hides that spelling correct, though! Blessings.

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Travel Coordinates

Travel coordinates on someone’s torso are like the permanent version of a Facebook vacation photo album, except you dont have the option to unsubscribe from their tattoo because its literally on their own bodies. And believe me, these bitches will talk about their trip-ups every possibility they fucking get. At the 9am department session where people have no business speaking words to me, period. In the elevator on my lane to 1 hour of approved liberty lunch. Or at happy hour, which is most offensive to me because that is my safe place and youre ruining it by telling me the one time you did a wine tour in a foreign country. Groundbreaking. Like, simply because youve been to Australia and seen a kangaroo does not make you a fucking world traveler. Like, oh did you have an awesome time? Did you booze awesome shooters and listen to awesome music, and then only sit around and soak up one another awesomeness? Yeah , no one commits a shit.

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Also, if I recognize one more Instagram selfie of a strategically posed thot “candidly” gazing up at a waterfall in a thong bikini with the caption wanderlusting, I will lose my goddamn head. Seriously, these girls are the fucking worst. Not simply are they the type of girls who 100 percentage have travel coordinates tattooed on their rib and/ or wrist and/ or hipbone but they also take themselves and their lavish vacations wayyy too seriously. Like, I get it, you are willing to to think youre roughing it in Thailand rn, being one with the people and rejecting consumerism and blah, blah, blah. But lets be real, you didnt going to see Thailand to bring safe drinking water to those living in poverty, you moved there to do a casual amount of drugs and take fire selfies at the Full Moon Party. Come on.

A Matching BFF Tattoo

You and your friend must think a lot of your friendship if youre willing to permanently disfigure tattoo your torso with matching heartbeat tattoos( v original, daughters, btw ). Much like many facets of my life, I blame for thisMarlene King, where is my evil twin to blamed shit on every time I fuck something up? because even though the Liars all get matching tattoos, that does not mean you and your bestie should get matching tattoos. The discrepancies between you and the casting of( aside from their notoriety, fund and issues with anorexia) is that they have the money to get told tattoo surgically removed should they find out that their BFF cut off all of her mane when they got back to school in the fall and got totally weird and I guess now shes on cracking. So, like, actually know the person before you get a life-long connection to them seared on your torso. Ya know, simply food for thot.

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^ Or just somebody you share half a yin and yang tattoo with

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